ladyryu

I'm going to post here again. I haven't been on in quite some time but this mobile app changes everything

This year so far hasn't has as many bumps as the last. I'm going to try to post more stuff on here. Crafting-wise I've been working on cosplays. I'm getting excited about going to Animazement this year. Its worth the cost. But flying back isn't the same anymore. Its different :/. I miss Mom so much and now Mother's Day is coming up, it'll be my first year without her Not going to be all "Debby Downer". She'd want me to have fun and not dwell that she's gone because she's still "around" even if I can't see her. I'm half of her so that part of her lives on with me. After this con, I will be taking more time to focus on my sewing projects that I have amassed for myself. Will try to return to dA and not be a stranger so much XD

2014 had to be the worst year of my life. I lost my godmother and then 6 months later, my own mother died 2 days before Christmas. I will never be "okay" again. I miss her so much I've been depressed and unmotivated. But I hoping that creating things will help me with my grieving. Eventually I will find time to post on here again.

I understand death is a part of life. I have a really hard time accepting it. I lost my godmother recently. She was a huge part of my life. She couldn't have children of her own so I saw myself as the daughter she never had. She was beautiful, smart, caring, and loving. She taught me a lot and always gave excellent advice. I am very blessed to have had her in my life. She help mold me into a who I am. She lived life to the fullest and always had a smile on her face no matter what came her way.

I am super close to my family and I hate the fact that I am literally across the country from them. I understand that its a side effect of being "married to the military" but it causes me to spend a lot of money to see my family. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining but it just sucks either way. At least my last memory of when I saw her was in November. I spent a day with her and my mother. We drove around Florida. We laughed and had a great time. We went to the beach and ate a bunch of good food. That's how I want to remember her through all of the good times. I keep beating myself up because I was so focused on working in order to make money to survive. If I could've seen into the future I wouldn't have gone to Animazement, I would've spent that time going home to see her. I keep blaming myself for it. God had other plans.

I know she's with family now. With her mother and father, and my grandparents. I know she's not suffering or in pain. I can't wrap it around my head that I will not physically see her anymore. When I go to her house she won't be there, I won't hear her laughing, or singing, or have her embrace me with open arms. That's what I will miss the most. And I'm worried about my uncle. She loved him more than words can say. She was his rock and he's lost without her. Matt's not taking this loss so well. She touched a lot of peoples' lives. She loved unconditionally. I hope to follow in her footsteps and be the glue that brings people together. I love you Aunt Yvette, please continue to watch over me as you always have <3

It seems I have the best luck of getting called in to work on my days off, it never failed and worked for the past few months but it's getting old. I need to work because I need money to pay off this school loan where my degree is certainly not getting me anywhere around here and also I'm just in a job with no means of going anywhere...enough ranting! Have been dutifully going along getting my cosplay stuff done for Animazement, only some buttonholes, a long coat, three ballgowns, and a petticoat remain. I had my sleep study last night and I pray they find out what's going on cause I'm exhausted ALL THE TIME. I can't get as much done because I'm lacking in energy. I also made Tiana's blue dress and started to hate it, this caused me to go with another dress of hers that no one seemed to do. The white dress from her Tiana's Place scene. So hopefully inbetween work shifts I can get more stuff done X_X.